Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Tuvshintugs Chuluunbileg
EAP 98
April 20, 2010

Journey to life

August 20th 2003, a flight to USA took off from “Chinggis Khan” Mongolian international airport. I was in it and that was the beginning of my journey to life. By that time, I was only 15 years old and never been alone abroad. I was scared and nervous. I didn’t realize that day was the first day of rest of my life. All there was new culture, new school and new life.

I said “New culture” Mongolia is on other side of the earth and we are Asian. But in America is way different to my country. People, cars, buildings and even food were different. “McDonald’s” I heard this name but never tried that by that time. And I ordered Big Mac, because everybody were telling me “You should try fast food in America” and I did. For real: I loved it. Part of new culture was my school.

I went to high school there. My school was big and nice. I made a lot of friends in very short time. I thought Americans are really friendly; teachers were always ready to help on anything I needed. My first impression to football game was hilarious. I didn’t understand that game but I enjoyed it, because that was new experience to me.

New life! I don’t what is new life to you but mine is here. The agency helped me to find a host family “Ekerns”. I lived with them as their son and they really loved me so I did. They are really nice people. I told you before I’ve never been abroad alone. In that family I wasn’t alone. They treated me like my real family. I know always miss me. And I feel the same way too.

To being somebody is not who you are, what you have. Just be yourself. My first experience in America opened my eyes to see life. Your life is relevance to others. You might ask a question from yourself. The life will answer your question. And I think I’m still on the flight that took off From Chinggis Khaan international airport on 20th of August, 2003. My flight has not reached destination. I’m still on my journey to life.
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2 comments:

  1. sciencekhoaApril 20, 2010 at 3:24 PM

    1. Is there a clear thesis at the end of the introduction?
    yes

    2. Does the thesis have a topic and controlling ideas?
    yes

    3. does the thesis address the essay topic well?
    yes

    4. are there at least two body paragraphs of 5 or more sentences?
    yes, but you must be careful to use commas.

    5. Does each body paragraph have a clear topic sentence, and does the topic sentence clearly connect to the controlling ideas of the thesis?
    yes

    6. Can you easily find at least one major detail in each body paragraph? If not, please let the writer know where you are confused about the major detail.
    yes

    7. Does the writer EXPLAIN and GIVE EXAMPLES for each major detail, and do they help you understand the major detail better? If not, please let the writer know that he/she needs more detail. Also let the writer know if you think the details are not exactly relevant.
    yes

    8. Are the details concrete, not too general? let the writer know if s/he needs to give more interesting, concrete details.
    yes

    9. How is the conclusion--does it cover the main ideas and thesis in new words, and does it make a comment that really makes you think about the essay topic some more? Please be specific about your feedback, don't just say Yes or No.
    I think it is good

    10. What do you like best about this essay? be specific.
    I really like details of body, but you should check a little bit about grammar of each paragragh.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnatolieApril 20, 2010 at 11:58 PM

    1. Is there a clear thesis at the end of the introduction? yes

    2. Does the thesis have a topic and controlling ideas? yes

    3. does the thesis address the essay topic well? yes

    4. are there at least two body paragraphs of 5 or more sentences? yes

    5. Does each body paragraph have a clear topic sentence, and does the topic sentence clearly connect to the controlling ideas of the thesis? yes

    6. Can you easily find at least one major detail in each body paragraph? If not, please let the writer know where you are confused about the major detail.yes

    7. Does the writer EXPLAIN and GIVE EXAMPLES for each major detail, and do they help you understand the major detail better? If not, please let the writer know that he/she needs more detail. Also let the writer know if you think the details are not exactly relevant.yes

    8. Are the details concrete, not too general? let the writer know if s/he needs to give more interesting, concrete details.yes

    9. How is the conclusion--does it cover the main ideas and thesis in new words, and does it make a comment that really makes you think about the essay topic some more? Please be specific about your feedback, don't just say Yes or No. I think it's ok.

    10. What do you like best about this essay? be specific. good I like the conclusion.

    ReplyDelete

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